When I first began working with Teri she was a sales representative in the security industry. One of her challenges was with assertiveness: “I had trouble with asserting myself when I had an idea, an opinion, a thought, even a suggestion”. Teri also recognized that she often let her emotions get away from her, something she would later recognize and be able to label as being “emotionally hijacked”.
Through our work together Teri became aware of her preferred communication and behaviour style using the SOCIAL STYLE™ model. She recognized that her “expressive” style meant that she needed to consistently slow down her thinking and check her emotional state. In her own words, she needed to “… understand my own social style. Understand what my needs are as an expressive. How I react, how I like to be spoken to, or how I like to be received. Understanding my social style, my needs, and my reactions really enabled me to get a handle on when there was an emotional hijack… “On my own, without being told how to do it. Through your coaching I was able to find the tool that I could use or the trigger that I could use to diffuse and slow down an emotional hijacking…” Teri recognized that her “…emotional reactions were hindering [her] own growth”.
“So you know what I gained? Confidence”.
Once Teri had recognized her own communication and behaviour preferences the next stage in her personal growth was to recognize others’ “STYLES” and how she could best interact with them. “So the real ‘aha’ moment for me was looking outwards. In other words learning [other] people[s]’ social styles, understanding that’s all they are. This is their social style. So you expect certain behaviors or you appreciate certain behaviors and that way it enabled me to increase my communication, and ask for the things that I needed.” She also recognized that in this way she was meeting their needs as well, by implementing the Platinum Rule: Treat others how they wish to be treated. “I gained respect, and it helped myself as well. [It] really did help me increase my sales. So you know what I gained? Confidence. I didn’t feel intimidated anymore and that makes a huge difference because people respond to that as well”.
When I asked Teri what impact coaching had on her she used words like “Huge, massive, colossal, cosmic, gaining. Getting over the need to be assertive, getting over feeling intimidated by everybody around me… being able to tackle emotional hijacking. And I again didn’t realize what it was until I connected with you…”
About the coaching process itself, Teri stated, “It wasn’t a massaging kind of nurturing relationship. [It] was an educational relationship, and the only way anybody can learn anything is to study, understand the lesson, and then use that knowledge as a resource. You never made a decision for me. You never told me what is right and what is wrong. You were more of a nurturer rather than a— I don’t know what the right word is but you didn’t tell me what to say. You showed me where to find the language within myself. And that was amazing. You would prompt me, not tell me”.
“If I … hired people, I would make sure that all of them were with you, John, and would make sure that they worked with you…”
Based on her experience of working with a professional coach, Teri stated, “I feel that anybody who starts with a new company should be with a coach for their first three months. If I started a business and I hired people, I would make sure that all of them were with you, John, and would make sure that they worked with you for at least three months. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it will create a more dynamic and streamlined team, bringing more value to the business/organization.”
Teri came to coaching concerned with the lack of respect she was receiving and a perceived need to become more assertive. She has not only successfully faced these challenges she has become much more confident as a person. Coaching helped her gain insight into becoming a more confident, assertive leader.
*******Are you wondering if having a Leadership/Personal Development Coach is right for you? Contact John for a complimentary, exploratory coaching session at email@example.com********
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